Bloodlust, terrorists and Jesus.

It’s hard not to cry out for blood over recent events, with so many atrocities happening it’s difficult to stop myself rooting for vengeance, to refrain from getting behind the cries for war. We tend to, as humans, all band together against a common enemy and so it almost feels right and somewhat natural to join the masses worldwide to annihilate the so-called threat to the Western way of living.

But then there’s Jesus.

Try as I might to justify this bloodlust. There is and always will be another Way. There will always be Jesus. He seems to be in the habit of messing up my well thought out views and conscious. So here’s a few thoughts on whats going on and how I feel Gods leading me to react. I’m not saying this to try and change anybody’s political leanings but I do aim to challenge, what I and I believe others, have found to be a rather natural feeling (but nonetheless unattractive) of bloodlust or vengeance.

It seems that no matter how I try and bend Jesus to fit into my own opinions and views, He remains a grace-shaped character. He still upholds peace, no matter how any of us try and distort Him in relation to whats happening around us. The truth is, we are called to be a peaceful people in a war torn world. While that doesn’t mean we need to be passive, we do need to display the loving, graceful character of Jesus to everyone we meet. Peace sounds like a fluffy, nice and quaint word. I’ve come to feel that it is one of the strongest words in our language, up there with love and hate. It’s overused and understated. Peace is the hardest thing to live out. It’s probably the most difficult thing that God asks of us. It has to filter into every part of our lives, every thought in our head and opinion we form needs to be filtered through peace. It is by no means quaint or easy, it is far more difficult than war or passivity. It involves acknowledging and respecting both the humanity and the divine in every individual we encounter. It is the hardest way and it is the only way.

It’s pretty easy to proclaim peace to those around you. It’s relatively easy to be a peaceful people in our own community and to regard ourselves as Peacemakers. I regard myself as a Peacemaker but have been incredibly challenged recently with my opinions on recent international events. How can I be a Peacemaker and advocate another war? How can I be a Peacemaker and believe that violence sometimes (when not involving me directly) can combat violence?

I think that I’ve come to the conclusion that, quite simply, it can’t. A war to bring peace is impossible. A war on terror is still a war. If I’m to be a person who proclaims peace then I in turn, need to denounce these things. If I cry out for vengeance or human means of justice through bombs, war and conflict then I cannot call myself a peace maker. That doesn’t necessarily mean I know of another strategy or plan to deal with terrorism. The thought of acknowledging and respecting the humanity and the divine in a terrorist makes me feel sick. However, if we think that Jesus does not love these guys just as much as us then we really should just rip out all of Paul’s letters from our bibles. God did quite a lot with that particular ex-terrorist! If Jesus does not love terrorists then our gospel does not exist. I need to ask God every day to let me rejoice in this, rather than recoil with reluctance to share my Saviour.

Our world does not need any more warmongers, or terrorists or bombs dropped. We need to stop viewing people as collateral damage, the enemy or the Other. We need more gentleness, more people willing to take what Jesus said literally and become Peacemakers, even though it is the hardest thing we will ever do.

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The link between Pornography and Human Trafficking

You all need to read this

Modern Day Slavery

Robin Peake , 25, works as the Office Administrator for a Christian organisation. He tweets as @ulsterrambler on various issues relating to porn culture and current affairs.

Supply and Demand

Supply: In 2005, five men were sentenced for kidnapping and raping three North African women seeking asylum, and forcing them to make a porn film.1 American anti-trafficking centre Breaking Free states that approximately one in three of the prostitution victims they see have also been used in the production of pornography.2

Demand: 13,000 new films per year, 28,000 online viewers every second and 793 million Google hits for the word ‘Porn’.3

Accomplices, not mere Observers

The link is often made – and rightly so – between human trafficking and prostitution. And whilst those who campaign against trafficking are right to trumpet the connection with the sex trade, the danger in singling out this angle is that listeners may only…

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Togetherness

I’m not 100% sure where God is leading me with this post.

 

 

Togetherness is something that is preached on time and time again.

Join a life group. Be accountable. Bear one anothers burdens. You know the drill.

However, I am guilty of hearing this, agreeing with this, doing this for a week and then stopping. As soon as life gets in the way or becomes a little tough, togetherness or fellowship outside of church is the first thing to go. When I am struggling with something, the last thing I want to do is go to my life group and tell them about it. They don’t need to be burdened with my problems. My mess. My baggage. (Bear with me here, I’m going somewhere, I promise)

The thing is though, I am wrong.

I am wrong for saying those around me don’t need to be burdened with my problems. They do. That’s what its all about. I am selfish. For thinking that my mess and my baggage is all about me. My absence from that group in hard times only shows that I care more about myself than the group of dear friends that I made a commitment too. I’ve been feeling incredibly convicted recently in how I deal with things. I can talk the talk about giving it all over to Jesus. But do I really? And I don’t mean the major stuff that I almost HAVE to trust God in, lest I turn to complete despair but I mean the little things. The little annoying things that make life that bit harder. Do I trust God in that too? If I did would those little annoying things make life harder in the first place?

Without togetherness, I truly believe we cease to be Christian. Without togetherness, we tear the body of Christ apart afresh. Without accountability, we cannot function as beacons of light for the lost, as that light is quickly put out by hidden temptations and secret lusts.

Being an introvert, I find being alone is easier than being with others. That’s not to say I don’t love company. Or that I’m shy. I could talk the back legs off a donkey. But do I use my introvertness as an excuse to opt out of much needed fellowship? Yes. Does this help me spiritually? No, it just gives me more time to watch Netflix.

On a wider scale, I believe that as followers of Christ, we are to change the world. We are to fight for justice, free the captives and speak for the voiceless. We can only do that together.

I leave you with this, I am being challenged (and I hope you are too) to intentionally engage in togetherness. To cast off my pride and really bear my burdens with those around me. I know that God is going to bless it.

Step out and be blessed friends,

Naomi xo

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it is raining babies

Someone who met one of my amazing friends

teanna sunberg

Croatia broken

She was probably around fifteen the first time I met her at Blessings Church in Bucharest. You know, one of those teens that cause us good church folk to lower our eyes and not stare: a lot of piercings, questionable jewelry choices, black t-shirt, big make-up. One of those lost teens from marginalized homes who suck up our love and resources and then disappear into oblivion. 

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6 months on.

I’m not even sure anybody is still following this blog so I guess this post is more for myself than anybody else.

I have been meaning to post much sooner than this, but in all honesty, the fall out from this trip has been challenging and I haven’t felt ready to share it. I’ve also been incredibly busy with uni, work and just life in general.

Let me start off by saying, I am truly blessed to be part of my church at ECN. We are doing some really exciting things and God really has created some immovable friendships that I’m positive will keep us all together, whatever comes our way.

Sadly, this has not been the case with my friendships with the staff in the shelter. While I remain on good terms with the majority of them, for the moment things between myself and M have been tense as we came into some disagreements with how things were being handled back in Romania. While I won’t digress any further, out of respect to her and her ministry, I made the decision to cut off communication for the time being.

Not long after I left, Anna and Anya were unfortunately expelled from the shelter due to reasons M thought were reason enough for them to leave. I was told a few days after it happened and I was completely devastated. It took me a while to stop being angry at both God and the staff and I really began questioning why I went over in the first place. My faith really struggled and a kind of spiritual amnesia kicked in, where I forgot almost all of His promises and plans for me. I’m not too proud to say (although a little sheepish in hindsight) that I pretty much took an infantile temper tantrum at God.

But God persevered.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I looked back on this blog, old journals and notes and realised that God has a reason for everything. Maybe the reason I was in Romania was to learn both how I would do things but also how I shouldn’t do things and maybe it was to test just how far I was willing to be pushed. I don’t even know if i passed the test but what I do know is that, even through all the rubbish that has gone on, through all the heart ache and frustration, I still have a burning desire and passion to free the captives, through Him and in His name.

God has been teaching me some brutal patience and I truly feel myself coming out of infantile, “instant gratification” faith to something deeper and more steadfast. I know my calling for the long term but right now I have to focus on training for that. My plans after I graduate are to train as a counsellor, specialising in sexual trauma so that I can help any one God puts in my path the best I can. It’s been hard to accept that not everything is going to happen instantly, but He keeps reminding me that His timing is perfect. Not mine.

I’ll leave you with a final thought. Another ‘plug’ for the power of prayer (which I had all but forgotten about in my God-forgetfulness). While I would love to tell you that I had been in fervent prayer, every day for the two women I grew close to, that would be a lie. Life gets in the way and sometimes memories are painful and it’s easier to just give them a mention. However, eventually the uncertainty became too much, and I gave in to God and spilled my heart to Him. I begged for these two women and their children, begged for some sign that they were safe and okay.

I’ve found that when you’re moved to prayer like that it’s because God wants to answer. After deleting my facebook before I left for Romania, I felt compelled to create another one (and not just to facebook stalk people). After a few weeks, the first women that left sent me a message letting me know that she was alright and we are still in contact. On Saturday there, after a Friday night full of anguish about Anna and Anya, I received a message from Anna, letting me know that she missed me and that she was in London, working in a restaurant. Anya remained in Romania with her grandmother, as Anna admitted she could not look after her. We spoke for a while, in broken Romanian, broken English.

I am so thankful and full of praise. This has filtered back into all areas of my life and I feel as though I have been reignited.

God is so faithful. Even when we are not.

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Last day :(

Home is where there’s family. 

Today is pretty emotional, my flights at 6am tomorrow. Yesterday was my birthday and I couldn’t of had a better day, I really am going to miss these guys – the past two months I’ve gained so much more than I could ever have given. I really do have a family here. 

I still don’t think I’m ready to begin to look over and reflect on my time here – i haven’t even been able to bring myself to pack my things yet! There has definitely been some tough moments, but there was far more happy ones and I’ve been so so blessed coming out here. It’s so cool that even when we don’t have a clue what we’re doing somewhere, God has this incredible plan for each of us and when he unveils it, it really is mind-blowing. I never expected any of this last year and when I came here, I definitely never expected to form such amazing relationships with everyone.

I’ll keep this pretty short and just share what’s on my mind – it’s something i’ve said before but i’ll say it again. If you feel like God is telling you to do something, whether its numerous signs, a few words or a little nudge – just do it. Don’t worry or overthink it, just walk forward and God will open all the doors. He has proved to me time and time again that He knows what He’s doing (as if He needed to prove anything anyway) and that I can’t even imagine the plans He’s got. I’ve been blessed in ways I never even knew possible and used in ways that I couldn’t of been capable of without God. 

He really does love us.

Thankyou again for all your support while I’ve been here, for your thoughts, prayers and messages. You have helped me through times of doubt and lifted me higher through all the good times. 

I’ll probably post a fuller, final update later on in the week. 

Step out and be blessed – and really, please do step out

 

Naomi xo 

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Only six days left.

“You have called me higher, you have called me deeper. I will go where you will lead me Lord” – All Sons and Daughters (if you have never listened to them, do it and see if you don’t love them)

Wow. Where to start. 

First off, God is not good.

Good is bland. I wouldn’t even use the term ‘good’ to describe a cup of coffee that I loved. Good, for me, implies something that is nice and pleasant but not quite “great” – good is not adequate enough for me to describe something that i love. 

God is flipping awesome. 

Secondly, this place is unreally blessed, at some point I will type up every single blessing and miracle we have had since opening. It will blow your mind. The impossible is literally being made possible before my eyes. Situations that should make people break down and despair are being diffused and dealt with by people with supernatural strength and something I can only describe as a holy calm. This strength and calm in horrible situations is something I’ve experienced too and honestly, it’s confirmed to me that I can only do this through God, leaning completely on him for emotional support. 

(You know, some people often remark pretty scathingly that Christians use God as an ’emotional crutch’ and to be blunt, they are right. We are all broken, wounded and fragile beings and I for one, am unspeakably thankful that the Creator desires us to lean on Him, using Him for support as we limp forward.)

Thirdly, we have a new lady with us, it’s been a real blessing to get to know her. She is really funny, humble and so eager to get to know Christ, which is so exciting. She says that she sees us pray and sees us worship and sees how ‘full’ we are and that she wants that more than anything. It’s so amazing to watch God woo her. I can’t help but feel so privileged getting to witness God chasing someone so obviously. Anna and Anya are also doing a lot better, they’ve had a few bumps but I can see their relationship slowly being repaired and improved. I’m looking forward to coming back next year and seeing how they are – God has big plans for them! 

Fourthly, I’ve been reading a book (shock) about missional living. I don’t mean leaving your home country. It’s all about showing Jesus to everyone in your life. Something really interesting and a bit unsettling struck me. The author said that church has become something that actually diverts us from doing what Jesus wants us to do. Through the week, it becomes its own kind of society, taking up all its members time and energy, leaving them no time to go and hang out with the very people Jesus wanted us to. 

Interesting. Challenging. Not even sure I 100% agree with it. But felt compelled to share it anyway. 

The thing that keeps popping into my head as I meditate over this book, my devotions and the book of Daniel is thing; Jesus never asked to be worshipped, He asked to be followed. 

I often wonder how many of us make Jesus an idol rather than an example. How many times do I thank God for forgiveness and mercy when I sin, rather than think over what Jesus would have done in my place. This thought makes me uncomfortable, which lets me know that this is an area I need work in. I think we do this because it’s safe. It’s safer to worship than to follow. But it is not as fruitful.

Lastly, I wanted to share with you all what happened on Sunday. For a while, M has told me that her church has been really damaged by gossip. She and her husband have been praying fervently against it, that the situation would somehow be resolved. After the service, the floor was opened to prayer requests and a women got up:

She asked for forgiveness, she said she had been spreading gossip, she said she had been talking about others. She asked for forgiveness from the congregation and from God. Then others followed. It was one of the most beautiful, humbling things i’ve ever seen – the whole congregation standing in mutual repentance and forgiveness, confessing their sins and forgiving one another – rejoicing in the mercy of God. 

How would the church look if this was a regular practice? If this was something that happened normally? How much more liberated would we all feel if we were just honest about our failures? 

If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. John 20:23

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Day Forty-two (wow)

“You have new mercy for me every day. Your love never fails” 

I can’t believe I’ve been here for so long, this has been the quickest 6 weeks of my life. I only have two more weeks left now and I can already tell that saying goodbye to everyone I’ve met and formed relationships with is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Right now I’m in Bulgaria with some of the staff on holiday. We’re here until Saturday and already it’s been a really blessed time with some much needed time away from work and some even more much needed relaxation. 

I know I haven’t really updated in a while but if I’m being completely honest, it’s been a very difficult week and I like to be in a good state of mind, praying over what I type before I write. It’s with deep sadness that I tell you that one of our girls packed her things and left on Saturday after getting beaten by our other resident. The two had been bickering for some time and on Friday night, while we were out it exploded. Her departure has been a real blow to everyone here and M was particularly upset she decided to leave us. I found it pretty hard to deal with as I had been living with this girl for 5 weeks now and had a real connection with her. 

As I’ve said before, this language barrier has been both a blessing and a curse. I wish I could have convinced her somehow to stay with us. However, as I’ve also mentioned, our other resident has real problems managing her anger and I’ve been the target of quite a lot of abuse due to my intervening so it’s also been good I don’t understand Romanian, or I think I would be pretty offended. 

As sad as these things are, I know that I have to learn from them – if I plan to open a shelter in Scotland, I will need to be able to deal with all these situations, so I thank God that I truly am learning from the best regarding how to deal with these difficult things, always showing love and grace through our firmness. I’ve been keeping my own journal alongside this blog and on the days I’ve been feeling particularly overwhelmed it’s been great to look back and see all the ways that God has answered my prayers and blessed me. I think when we are in a moment of despair or anxiety, we forget how far we have come so I really would recommend everyone takes half an hour and just writes down all the blessings that they have received in the past week, the past month, the past year – so that when you feel hopeless, you can look back and see how faithful God is, even when we forget to rely on him.

Something that I’ve been thinking about the past few days is the whole concept of Gods love. I think it’s really sad that some who follow Christ really don’t know or grasp just how deep and vast His love for us really is. I know that for me, it’s only something that I’ve really began to truly believe and feel in my bones the past year or so, even though I’ve known about God for a long time. I don’t think that it’s any coincidence that it has only been the past year that I’ve really started to make progress in my walk with God. I truly believe that unless we really, really feel just how much God loves us, until we completely embrace is and live in it, we can’t truly love others as Christ wants us to. In a world that tells us all to look after ourselves, put our own needs above all others and that the only person we can trust is ourselves, it is nearly impossible to fathom that we have a Father who gave everything for us, out of sheer, unreasonable, irrational love. While I know that we will never realise the true extent of Gods love, it is my prayer that each person will begin to live in the truth of this completely ridiculous love that we are all made from. 

 

“In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” 1 John 4:10

 

Friends, if you don’t truly believe this, if this doesn’t filter into every area of your life and completely turn it upside down then pray that God will show it to you because there really is no greater adventure or a more beautiful truth. 

 

Step out and be blessed, 

Naomi xo 

 

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Day thirty-four

“This will be your opportunity to bear witness” Luke 21:13

This is a verse I’ve been really meditating on the past few days, I really feel like God keeps reminding me why I’m here and what my role is. I know that He has lots of plans for when I get home but sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in planning ahead and not living in the moment. While I think it is good to be thinking about your next steps with God, I’m beginning to realise more how important living in the moment really is. At the very base of it, living in the moment, I believe, is a huge statement of faith: believing that God has your next moves planned and you don’t need to focus too much on them, rather focussing on how to serve Him right now, today. To do this, we need to fully trust that He has everything figured out and that we just need stay close to Him. I felt like God reminded me of this with one of the guards and his daughter, Andy. Wherever they go, she likes to hold his hand; she doesn’t need to know where they’re going, or what they’ll be doing in a few years time. Andy just follows her dad, fully trusting that he knows better than her. She is just excited to be going somewhere with her dad. 

This is something I need to remember, that it doesn’t benefit anybody for me to stress over how I’m going to manage to pull one of these off in Scotland. The truth is, I will never be able to pull it off but it’s not me who is doing it. It’s all Him. I just need to hold His hand. Right now, I need to live in the moment, with a vision of what’s ahead but living day by day being a witness.

This past week has been a real blessing, I really feel like I’m part of a family here and I know that when I have to go home, saying goodbye is going to be one of the hardest things ever. The girls have been learning english and have been getting weekly lessons by a volunteer. Another volunteer has been teaching the little one piano, which she seems to really love because

she practises a lot… all the time…

every single day…the same song…

over and over again.

 

My favourite part of being here is probably the evenings, when all the staff go home and it’s just me and the girls. We normally watch some tv, make cakes or sit outside and listen to music (although a few nights ago we had a spontaneous swim in the blow up pool we got.)

However, sometimes being so close with the girls has its downsides and I can be subject to being on the receiving ends of rages or hysteria. Over the weekend, some of the youth group took me to a festival, which was a lot of fun. It was really nice to get away from the house for a while, especially after a particularly stressful friday. 

It’s Monday now and the work in the attic has resumed. Things are coming along really fast and it’s exciting to think how many more women will be able to be housed here. It’s actually pretty fun helping with what I can (not much use with power tools) and despite the “health+safety” (or lack of…) we’ve only had one accident involving 6 stitches, which is pretty impressive considering there is no professionals, home-made scaffolding and everyone wears sandals!

I want to sincerely thank you all for your constant prayers. Prayer is so powerful and is the best thing you can do in any situation. I feel like the phrase “just pray” is thrown around a lot and I really don’t like it. To say you “just” prayed, undermines and belittles prayer. Prayer has more effect than money, manpower or intellect. I am staying in tangible proof of this. 

Step out and be blessed,

Naomi xo

 

 

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Day twenty-six

Confirm your calling and election”

Today we had a surprise birthday party for our director. The girls had stayed up planning it last night and most of the church had piled into our home and hid under tables to surprise M as she thought she was coming in on her day off to break up an argument! This got me thinking that I really love the church. I feel like these days you can’t just say this statement without somehow justifying it, so I will: I’m not talking about my home church[es] (although I do, very much) I’m talking about the wider church. I love how no matter where you are in the world, when you are surrounded by people with the same love for Christ as you, you are at home. I love being part of this huge family. Like any family, we’re completely dysfunctional and get it wrong a lot, but we all love each other and that’s really special. Like I’ve said before, God shows his grace and love the most in how we love each other and I feel so blessed to be surrounded by family, wherever I go.

This week has been pretty good. We’ve had a few days with tensions running pretty high but the girls have pulled through and it’s so rewarding seeing them laughing and joking with each other after a few days when you were sure they might start pulling each others hair out (hence the believability of the tale that got M to the shelter.) It’s amazing how much something as simple as blowing up balloons and baking a cake can bond people.

I really love this place and I’m pretty sad that in a month I’ll need to leave but I truly believe that God did not call me here to return home to Scotland and merely reflect and retell my time here. It’s always been a niggle in the back of my head that Scotland has no services like this to offer trafficked women – which is really sad considering how big the problem is here – and it has been with a lot of reflection and prayer that I’m going to share my heart and vision for the future; I truly believe that God has confirmed to me that He wants a shelter like this one in Scotland and that He wants to use me to lead the way.

This has been confirmed to me more than once and I just ask that if you pray, that you will keep praying that I’ll be able, through His Spirit, to fulfil this. I think I’m here to see how things are done, to learn from the best of the best, be trained by the best and use this experience to create a safe and rehabilitating home for women that are trafficked in Scotland.

I’m not too sure how this is all going to happen but I do know that God does. All I need to do is be willing to walk forward. I’m so excited about this next month, to continue to learn and be blessed by the people around me here in Bucharest. I know that God (and M) still have so much more to teach me.

Please keep the girls in your prayers. In particular, Maya as we continue to look for her son and Anya, that she will be brought closer to Christ and that he will restore her soul.

 

Step out and be blessed,

Naomi xo

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